SPRING C. 2014: Amsterdam Stars

Enjoy tomorrow.

Being happy in this days ?

I found this post on one of my first blog I ever had. I named him Red Bedroom and it was pretty much inspired by amazing character named Peyton Sawyer. And I'm gonna post it again, beacuse it's just my true.

What's that even means? That we are healthy, famous, have a lot of money or that we talk everyday with our friends? Brooke Davis ones asked “What is going to make you happy?” and now, I’m asking this myself… Is that love? Can love be the only think that will save you from hate, pain or sadness. Or it will put you back in your dark little place.

I’ve been reading a lot of different magazines and books and they were all telling me how I should live to be happy. They were talking about believing in myself, always stand up for yourself and never regret. But how? But people will put you down every time they will get a chance, nobody will support you, sometimes even not your family. I mean who will stand up for you when you will be in your dark place, and more importantly who will show you the light.

I was thinking about health, and I know few people who are really sick, and some of them even died. And I thought why would God be so damn mean and take them from us, they didn’t do anything to him or to the world. But they were gone. Later I remembered what that person said to “I’m just so tired.” Maybe she was tired, and I’d never want to know this pain and suffering, but shouldn’t you fight for your own life. A lot of kids survive just because of it, they have faith, in every day they can find something good and funny. They’re survivors. And maybe that’s the reason why they are so good, and can just be happy.

Fame and money? Everyone say that money is very important, just not for our heart. I don’t  know how it's lole to  be famous or have a lot of money, but in the years of hard working and giving up a lot of things, I think that  success and money could give you happiness. Maybe not for a long time, but when you will wake up tomorrow you will be just happy that you can pay some bills, give some extra money to your son or daughter, and not worry for one day. But if you already have this, and you just can’t enough I don’t believe that any of material things will make you happy. Believe me I would also dissagree with myself few years ago, I also dreamed about this amazing clothes, phones and being just famous. And sometimes I still do. But more and more I’m figuring out that I need people who will love, because in the end of the day clothes won’t hug me, my fans don’t really know me and all I will need just some true friends, my family, and their love. So I know most of people are suffering because they don't have enough money, but I hope they still got each other. We should think about people, who are alone, with or without money.

And love ? In the beginning of writing I was wondering if love can hurt you more, than bring you happiness. Yet I think, it can. You know it’s like you’re a surgeon and as much as you save life, you also lose them. Still nobody can't bring them back.

 In the other hand I admitted I’ve got some trust issue, and I wish they could just go away. But they don’t. No matter what other say, you’re steal dealing with that feeling, that someone will hurt you in every corner. I admit I really scared of people, that I see every day, but somehow I always managed to get through day. Even if I don’t have no one, I still have some hope, that someday I will fly away from my little country, to America. So I think if you don’t have anyone you should have hope, that you will find someone who will really love you. But while you’re waiting for that person, don’t just stand there, go to the cinema, so what if you’re going alone. Listen to the great music, go out and do something that makes you happy, whatever this is. If this is writing or reading, listening or talking, just do it. Don’t let people to take this away, because you’re good. If you already find that person, make sure that you tell them how happy you are with them, even if you give them a little kiss, or small chocolate. It’s not about things, it’s about how you do. Always remember that.

So thank you guys. I’m hoping that you have a great night or day. 

I'm about to go fight for my life

I'm not gonna lie to you, I was afraid as hell to start this blog – the funny thing about all these is that I always thought that I was fearless and brave. But when people started to walk over me, and make me believe that I'm not good enough for them and my dreams, I gave up on my believes. I guess high school logic – if they don't like you, you don't like yourself.

And I'm afraid that they may see it, and judge it. Like they judge your style, your life and your everything. But one day I'm gonna need to stop, to be afraid of people who care mostly about themself.

 So this is the begining of one chapter in my life.  And I don't know what this blog will bring you, or if you will enjoy it...

But I do know I will do my best, and this trying may or may not make this blog shine someday. And as much as I will learn through blogging, I hope you will also get something from that.

So people if you don't like it, suck it up. And readers who are still here, you should grab some tea and make yourself comfortable in your chairs, beacuse this is when my writing starts – with my clumsy english and unfunny jokes.

Welcome in my first chapter!

N.